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So. I stayed home from school today 'cause my head hurt and I didn't feel like going. I missed the bus, and my mom drove me all the way there before deciding I was sick enough to stay home and turning around. Meh. At least I got to go back to sleep. I woke up around 1:30. Got to watch All My Children for the first time in ages. Oh, yeah, and I told my mother that I think I have a social anxiety disorder.

::sigh:: I should have told her sooner shouldn't have told her at all. I don't know. At first she brushed it off, like I knew she wood, and then she started talking about taking me to see a counselor, which is last thing I want, because even though I know there's no shame in it, I just don't think it would help me, and I really don't like talking about myself to people I do know, let alone a total stranger. So now my mum is back to telling me that I shouldn't worry about it and it's perfectly normal to be shy and all this other crap I haven't really been paying attention to. I can tell she's freaked out, though. Hopefully she'll just forget about it like everything else I tell her. Probably it'll drag out for a few days, though. Yep, definately shouldn't have told her...
19 February 2004 @ 08:09 pm
Argh. Ignorate people pigs suck. A lot. And my head hurts.

::takes a breathe:: Mmmkay. Today completely pissed me off. In Religion we were asked (told) to write an essay about life being a miracle and all that, pretty much the same thing the Diocese makes us do every year, and then today we had a debate about the whole abortion issue. If you know me, you know how much I love participating in political-type debates, the more controversial the better, but this topic kinda tends to get to me more than most others. I am strongly pro-life. I believe that human life begins at conception, and that no one has the right to take that life away, unless perhaps the mother's life was in immediate danger. Nothing pisses me off more than people who think it's okay to hurt/abuse/kill any living thing. It's just not right. So you can probably imagine why I'd get upset when this asshole starts going on and on in class about how abortion is a "great thing" and how a baby is not a baby until it's born, no matter how far along the pregnancy is, and how it's absolutely right to kill a baby that nobody wants (those are pretty much his exact words. sickening, no?), and how he shouldn't have to worry about the consequences if he just wants sex for pleasure and all this other bullshit that seriously pissed off not only me, but half the class and the teacher as well. Then, the fucking hypocrite goes on to say that if he ever got a woman pregnant and she wanted to abort his baby, he'd take her to court. Asshole. Stupid fucking jerk-off waste of space. I actually opened my mouth quite a few times to contradict him, and if you read my last entry, then you know how hard the whole public speaking is for me - I was shaking a little and stuttering a lot, but I really felt it had to be said. He just kept going on and on spouting absolute bullshit, and after listening to him I felt actually physically sick. I got a Motrin from my friend during lunch (two periods after Religion), and now I'm a bit better, but I'm still pissed. And now I'm a little mad at myself for reacting like this. I'll be the first to admit that I've got very strong convictions, and that sometimes (usually) I have trouble respecting people who don't feel the way I do about the issues that are most important to me, but I'm trying to get past it, and usually if the person in question can at least make rational points and debate their side intelligently, I can. This jackass, however, couldn't do either. He was completely boarish and vile and nothing short of ignorant, and if you talk to me and I seem bitchier than usual, it's probably because of him.

::takes another breath:: ::goes to find another Motrin::
01 February 2004 @ 02:01 pm
I thought I was getting better. I really did. But now...

Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh.

Perhaps I should explain. As most people know, I've always been extremely, painfully shy. And I'm not talking normal bashfulness here. I spent the majority of my childhood locked in my room because I just can't handle being around people. There really isn't any reason for this, no traumatizing memories or anything like that. It's just the way I've always been. I thought I was over it by now, though, that I'd outgrown it or something. I can get through the school day and actually talk ot people. I have friends now, actual friends that I hang out with and have inside jokes with and all that, for the first time since third grade. I'm still not all that comfortable around crowds and going to new places and all that, but the point is, I was making progress.

Until I got it. An invitation to a sweet sixteen for a friend I'd only seen once in two years. I almost had a full-on panic attack at the thought of being in a room with people I never really knew back when we were in school together. My mother wants me to go. She thinks I should make an effort to be friends with this girl, and after all, I like her well enough and I'd like to keep in touch, but I don't know if I'd last the night. I know I wouldn't feel comfortable being there, and the entire night would be hell, but I still feel guilty for not going. I don't know. Should I?
Stupid people depress me. First I encounter Snert A on the teen Charmed board who makes at least one post in every thread asking people to e-mail him/her/it with information on how Prue died. I e-mail said snert with said info, only to get a one-word e-mail with "FAGET" in big, bold, red capital letters. This pisses me off to no end, not only because it's homophobic, hateful, and just plain ignorant, but because it's spelled incorrectly to boot. Now, you'd think that if someone wanted to insult me, they'd at least spell it right to avoid looking like an idiot, not that avoiding this is at all possible in that particular situation, but still. I replied, mostly because idiots like this are fun to play with when I'm bored, and explained why A) "faget" is grammatically incorrect, B) "faget" is (or should be) morally, socially, and in every other way incorrect, and C) don't ask for e-mails if you don't want them, dumbass. Wanting to create an illusion of being civil, I substituted "dude" for "dumbass", and was rewarded with an almost incomprehensible e-mail that read "for your information, dude, I'm not a dude! Are you a dude, cause I'm not." in black-on-grey font. I responded with an apology for referring to him?/her/it as "dude" and a restatement of points A through C. I've yet to receive a reply.
Haven't updated in a long time, I know. But really there's been nothing to write about. Sunday sucked, in a major, major way, but I think hope I'm over it. I don't feel like talking about it here; IM or e-mail me if you really want to know.

In other news, I'm thinking of finally writing the novel that's been bouncing around my head for practically forever. Only now I might do it as a bunch of short stories, each focusing on a different person in one small town. The first one is going to be about a girl who cuts herself for the first time. After that it'll go on to the usual teenage-angst-type shit. You get the idea.

I've also got another idea for another novel, but as with all my favourite ideas, it'll probably die long before I get the chance to write it. ::sigh:: Might as well get started on something, though.
09 December 2003 @ 04:55 pm
Got out of gym, geometry, and English today. The Sophomore class had to go over to the church for penance in the middle of sixth period. I didn't go to confession, though. The Church has just really been pissing me off lately, and I'd feel like a hypocrite participating in a ritual I'm not quite sure I believe in, but now I feel bad for not doing it, too. Argh. My head hurts. But one good thing? I got my rough draft back for my term paper, and he said was perfect. ::beams:: The only thing wrong with it was that I was missing one secondary source, so I just have to go find a quote from another book about Les Miserables and put it in. I'll go look through Questia later.
05 December 2003 @ 07:05 pm
Hee. There was a snowstorm today. But my school, which normally closes if there's even the slightest mention of the remotest chance of snow within the tri-state area, decided to be stupid today and remain open. It was supposed to be a First Friday Mass day, so we had eigth period first, because that way the seniors (who don't have class eigth period) could come in early and stay for Mass (it's not an option), but then Father decided that the weather was too bad to make us walk across the street to the Church, so that got called off. Around 11:40 (sixth period, gym, which was just sitting on the bleachers in our uniforms since we don't change on shortened period days), the principal came on and said that they tried to coordinate an early dismissal with the busses for us and the elementary school, but it was too late, and we were having eigth period (again) next so that the seniors could go home, and then seventh period after that. I really don't see the logic in switching the last two periods, since the seniors are missing seventh period anyway, but okay. After the announcement, which also said that the Christmas Ball I wouldn't go to anyway was being postponed, I played badminton with Meg, Nic, and Melissa, which would be very fun normally, but I screwed up my wrist somehow earlier this week, and today was the first day it wasn't completely killing me, until I picked up the stupid frelling racket and it started all over again. But anyhoo. After gym, I went back upstairs for English, where we were supposed to be watching an animated version of Macbeth. I was talking to Nic, Chipper, and Tony, and so missed the start of the movie, but that's okay, because we couldn't hear it anyway because they were calling people down to the office to go home literally one right after the other. There was hardly a break in the announcements for about fifteen to twenty minutes, just with the parents coming to pick up their kids. I'm not kidding. My mum didn't come get me, but I got to leave at a quarter to one anyway because my bus driver came and picked us up early. I was home by 1:20. The best part of all this? My sister's school stayed open on regular schedule, so I get to gloat, which is usually soley her privelidge. *g*

One thing does suck about all this, though. I would've had Monday off anyway, for the Immaculate Conception, and the roads will probably be clear by Tuesday. :/ Waste of a perfectly good snow storm...
I'm ridiculously behind on my word count. Well, not as much as Nicolette (3,000) or Tony (200), but still. I only have around 8000 words. I wanted to have 10000 by today. I'm still hoping to hit 15000 by the end of the week. ::crosses fingers::

Anyhoo. I've been spending far too much time online than is good for my word count. I'm thinking of leaving one of the boards I lurk/post at regularly, because the regs there are just acting far too childish for my taste. What really bugs me about it is that it's not one of the teens boards - these are mainly just adults acting like middle-schoolers. Makes me sad, too, because it used to be such a great board... But yeah, I'm afraid to say anything because I'll either be ignored or attacked, so I'm probably just going to drop off the board completely. Maybe I'll keep lurking for a while, just to see if anyone notices.

Argh. My word count is nagging at me again. Must... go... write...
01 November 2003 @ 06:47 pm
Yeah, it's Day One of NaNoWriMo, and already I'm putting it off. I wanted to get around 3,000 words today, since it's Saturday and I've got nothing else to do, but I spent the day just BSing. My word count stands at 2,005. I guess that's not bad for one day, but I could've probably done more. And yeah. All that procrastinating has made me very sleepy, so I'm going to bed. If anyone wants to read my novel, go right ahead, and please review because I am a confessed review whore and it would make me very happy.
31 October 2003 @ 08:01 pm
First off, Happy Halloween! Even though it's almost over. But yeah. Four hours until I get to start re-living my freshman year of high school in the form of a really sucky novel. But Megan's definately doing NaNoWriMo, too. And possibly Nic and Tony. And Meg talked to our English teacher today, and he said he'd give us extra credit, so yay.

Bored. Tired. Took The Brat and her annoying little friend trick-or-treating. Got about 1/4 a pillowcase full of candy. Will probably have consumed said candy by the time the week is out. Chocolate is very good for writing. ::nodnod::

Hee. We got to watch The Nightmare Before Christmas in History. That's the only class where we got to do something "Halloween-ish". High school sucks like that. The Brat got lots of candy at school. I plan to steal some.

Ow. My lip hurts. I bit it. I think. It got a cut somehow. Owww.

And thus ends the random thoughts of Cate.